I had my six week checkup this week and decided that MAYBE it was time to update my blog with the birth of our newest addition.
I decided to be induced this time around for several reasons.
~My Mom had quite a busy schedule this summer and could only be here for a limited window.
~My deliveries are never easy nor are they "routine," so I thought that an induction would help control some of the unexpected events.
~It would help me plan on where Kai and
Cic would go during my delivery, and ensure that my Mom would be here for the delivery and be here long enough to help out afterwards.
I went in for my 39 week appointment on July 5
th. Everything looked good and I was told that I could go into the hospital that evening to start my induction. Planning when to have your baby is a crazy thing. I have never been able to 'pick' my kids birthdays before. I was stoked to meet our little man and hold him in my arms though.
My Mom accompanied me to the hospital that night while Ben stayed home so Kai and
Cic could sleep in their own bed. We checked in at the hospital and they strapped the monitors around my belly. It was excited to hear his heartbeat and I started to remember everything that labor entails. It wasn't long after they started monitoring the babies heartbeat that a nurse came in and started flipping me from side to side. The baby was having some heart decelerations. I was immediately confused, frustrated, and upset. I didn't even have any drugs yet. The induction hadn't even begun and there was already a problem.
They decided to hold off on the induction until the morning and I was given a sleeping pill instead. AWESOME. Not exactly what I had planned.
My Mom and I woke up in the morning and they started me on
pitocin. I wasn't on that long before they started flipping me around again. The baby didn't like something and they were all guessing that it was an umbilical cord issue. So, I was taken off
pitocin and then put back on
pitocin for several hours. It was really frustrating. I called Ben and asked him to join us at the hospital because nothing was going the way I planned. I was starting to question my decision to be induced. I was reassured by the doctor and nurses that induction was the best decision I could have made because without it they wouldn't have known that the baby was having trouble.
The doctor checked me and told me that the baby was still really high. She also said that she couldn't feel the sutures on his head and wasn't sure what part of the baby she was feeling.
I was then given an ultrasound to make sure that he was indeed head down. The good news was that he was head down, the bad news was that he was face presenting. (I looked this up and it happens in 1 of every 500, 0.2% of births. LUCKY ME.) Pretty much, our little guy was trying to come out with his face first rather than the top of his head. I didn't think it mattered which way a baby came out but my doctor told me that because of the way he was positioned inside of me and the way his neck was being jammed back he could break his neck and/or some of his facial features during delivery.
I was told they would have to go in and get him. WHAT?! This is not what I expected whatsoever. I was terrified. My first thoughts were horrible. I was totally thinking about myself and (I know I am so vain) the SCAR that I would be left with. "What? You're going to cut INTO me?! You're going to take a baby out of me and leave me with (gulp) a SCAR!!!"
The doctor took her time and showed me the position that the baby was in and talked me to about how the pressure of my contractions were jamming him into my uterus and could potentially break his neck. After hearing that, I was done thinking about myself. I would rather a scar than a baby with a broken neck. As selfish as my first thoughts were when they started talking about a c-section, I think it's probably pretty normal to be scared of it. Scared of the procedure (I had never had surgery before), scared of the recovery, and yes...scared of the scar.
I was wheeled into the operating room and was amazed at just how much it reminded me of Grey's Anatomy. (Yes, I really thought that.) My doctor even had music playing that she liked to operate to.
Ben soon joined what felt like the entire hospital in the operating room and the blue sheet was placed over my chest so I could no longer see what they were doing. Ben is not a fan of needles or blood so I didn't think that he would even watch the procedure. I kinda expected him to just hold my hand and keep steady eye contact with me the whole time. I thought he would just "baby me" and tell me that I was doing great the whole time.
It was terrifying laying on that cold table and feeling so naked. I felt physically naked and emotionally naked as well. I was so helpless just laying there.
In actuality, Ben didn't sit the entire time. He stood by my shoulder and looked over the blue curtain. Every now and then he grabbed my hand. I laid there...staring up at Ben watching his face. I was trying to see any sign that something was wrong or detect any kind of emotion or fear in his eyes (b/c the rest of his face was covered with the face mask). He stood there, almost stoic. Just observing...as if making sure that the doctor knew what she was doing and did it right. :)
Thank goodness for my anesthesiologist. He was amazing. He was the one person in my face. Telling me what was happening, asking how I felt. Telling me how great I was doing. He even held my other hand from time to time. I loved him for that.
I never felt any pain during the procedure. I didn't even feel much tugging. I was concentrating too hard on Ben's eyes to feel much I guess.
I do remember the nurses gasping suddenly and saying, "Oh ya, there is no way he could have come out. Look at that." Tru was facial presenting and had the cord wrapped around his leg twice.
Then, I heard my baby boy cry. Wow, was that a crazy feeling. With Kai and
Cic, hearing them cry was a beautiful sound but I could also see them cry. This time, I only could hear what was happening. It was surreal. It was the most beautiful cry I have ever heard. I didn't even know he was born yet and all of a sudden I could HEAR him. He was HERE! I laid there and sobbed with joy.
As I laid there, I listened intently to what everyone was saying trying to differentiate the many conversations happening in the room when one nurses came around the corner and got into my face and wanted to tell me all about my little man. She said that because he was facial presenting he was pretty swollen. She wanted to warn me about it before I saw him.
WHAT???!!!!
She wanted me to be aware that he may have experienced some bruising as well and that the swelling/bruising would probably get worse before it got better.
Ya, if that doesn't terrify you than I don't know what will. I didn't know what to think. I haven't seen my baby and someone has to come and WARN me about his appearance? Was he THAT beat up? Was he horribly UGLY? What was it?
I looked up at Ben to see what his eyes could tell me and they were screaming with pride. They were just filled with love. It was the same expression I had seen twice before (with Kai and
Cic). I wasn't too worried after seeing Ben, but I was still pretty curious.
After examining our little boy, they handed him to Ben and I was able to see his face for the first time.
What a face! I joke around with my Mom about it and we say, "It was a face that only a mother could love."
He was pretty banged up. The first thing I noticed was his upper lip. Holy cow! It was HUGE. He was so so swollen. His sad little (I mean BIG) eyes. They looked like eggs. They were swollen shut. Poor little man. I immediately knew that a c-section was the right decision. If we had waited any longer, he would have been that much more beat up and swollen. I was struck with a huge feeling of guilt for being scared/selfish about my hesitation in having a c-section.
We are all healthy and that is all that matters.
(Here's a side note about the blood on the side of
Tru's mouth in the pictures below. To better monitor
Tru's heart, the doctor inserted the little screw like monitor on his head. It was supposed to be screwed into the top of his head, but after he was born we discovered it had been screwed into the side of his mouth. WEIRD. No wonder she couldn't feel the sutures on the top of his head. She was touching his face when she would check me, not his skull.)
After staring at our little man for a while Ben let me hold him. I couldn't feel my hands very well, so I told Ben not to go too far b/c I honestly couldn't even feel myself holding him. There is just something special about holding your child for the first time.
I remember the anesthesiologist giving me a shot in my arm to help contract my uterus (I think that's what it was for.) Anyway, I gave our little boy back to Ben and then immediately found myself struggling to breathe. I was struggling breathing in or out. It was as if someone was sitting on my chest and it wouldn't work anymore. I was panicking and confused as to what was going on. I looked up at Ben with tears rolling down my cheeks unable to speak. The nurses pushed him back and the anesthesiologist was again in my face talking to me telling me to take deep breathes. That went on for what seemed like forever and I was finally able to breathe again. I guess the drug he injected in my arm sometimes gives people an asthmatic reaction. I have never had asthma so it was crazy.
Ben said it was pretty scary. I can only imagine what he must have been thinking, standing there holding our new baby watching me struggle to breathe.
After they assured Ben that I was alright, he left with the baby and nurse to give our little man his first bath. I was sewn up and wheeled into a recovery room. I laid in the recovery room thinking how different each of my deliveries have been with all three kiddos. I am so so blessed. Even though this delivery was different than what I expected, I would do it ten times over again.
Tru is worth it! I am so in love with him.
I still can't believe how swollen his face was when I look back at these pictures. It doesn't even look like him.
6lbs 8oz, 20 inches
Oh man. I can't even tell you how tired I was in this picture. I don't take a lot of drugs so having a c-section was A LOT of medication for my system. I was also pretty anemic from the surgery because the doctor told me I was "oozie" and lost a lot of blood. I was having a hard time staying awake and couldn't look at people without my eyes going crossed. Glad they aren't crossed in this picture.
So glad my Mom was there for this whole whirlwind. She was AMAZING!
Kai and
Cic were so excited to meet their little brother.
One day old and already looking better.
Kai holding
Tru.
Cic taking her turn.
l.o.v.e.
Tru looked like such an old man when he was first born (after the swelling went down.)
One of the first things I noticed after the swelling went down was that Tru has Ben's wrinkles.
Ben has these distinct wrinkles on his forehead and Tru has the same ones. They are identical to Ben's.
Greatest blessings in my life.
First family pictures.
Two days old.
Waiting to be discharged to go home. Three days old.
Love his hair!
My friend Jena gave us this outfit. Thanks Jena! Tru is our smallest baby and this outfit swallowed him at first.
Kai and Cic sure loved her. She loved to take naps everyday with Kai in his blanket.
Miss her. every single day.
Kai still talks about Harley and prays for her.
I told the kids that Harley was going to be with Jesus.
Best buds.
Harley was the best dog I've ever had. I still feel her presence in the house. The other night I was getting ready for bed and I swear I heard her sigh under my covers. (She used to wait for me to come to bed at night.) It was an eerie feeling, but I pulled the sheets away hoping to find her there. Hoping to be able to cuddle with her again.
